'The beginning is such a good place to be, my darling. There is much in store. But there is acknowledgement of what came before the beginning to mark this moment as a beginning. And in that place I was there, too. But let's start where beginning is - the union of Me and you, the awakening of your heart, bit by bit, to Me. These first starts are for you to appreciate the moments that came before them - to see where I was, what I was doing, before you recognised my presence. Let me take you back to where I was when you couldn't see me there. Perhaps the definitions of beginning will need to be rewritten. I always begin again in you, child. I am the discovery of the beginning - all hope and life in you. I will give you a fresh start this day. I give you new breath, new eyes, new ADVENTURE to set out on with me. But I want to start this beginning by going back to where I've always been with you/ I have always been with you, my child, even when you couldn't see it. I want to show you now.'
As I finished my morning reading and began to sink into my work I couldn't concentrate. I wondered at how beautiful those words above were, how profound it left me, knowing that writing about the history of fashion buying, and the origins of couture shows - how insignificant my words became in perspective of the power of the words beforehand. I moved onto some of my design work, in theory, this is what I love, this should make my heart full with creativity but I just wanted to hear those words again.
This is me... I've never quite felt at home - the only sense of belonging has been in what I do. Having lived in-between worlds that are not at all very intertwined, I felt like an outsider at every turn. I identified myself in my abilities whether that was in dance or being a part of the fashion industry. I use to find worth in achieving things because I didn't know where I belonged. I always felt very local, yet international. I liked the ease of pretending to be Malay, the extremely laid back lifestyle and the larger than life laughters. I could also enjoy the metropolitan culture of Hong Kong. And the grassroots behind it that enlightened a fascination of my heritage. The privilege of being British, my diverse extended family stretching from Nepal to America. I could explore and delve into any of these things, but none of it will ever take me by the hand and tell me exactly who I am. It's funny to think about. Nothing will ever be as good as the best thing you've experienced. Pretty straight forward but so crazy at the same time.
'If this seems crazy, it is to bring glory to God.' 2 Corinthians 5:13
I just wanted to write a quick one to encourage you guys, to push forward, to keep going, and to cherish moments that you don't quite understand yet. Dwell in spaces you are not familiar with, make peace with your circumstances, if there is a lesson in it, seek that out so you can move on. Keep going.